I Have Never Felt This Way

As I left the doctor's building, I drove past flower beds with beautiful petunias in them. I am an avid flower/plant person and always love to look at beautiful flowers as well as plant them in beds all over my yard.

Today as I looked at purple petunias, my thought was "I hate flowers". I really did feel hatred towards those innocent flowers. I was shocked!! WOW! Where did that come from? I drove past my favorite fast food restaurant, Wendy's. I have loved this place since the first time I stepped foot in one in 1976. My thoughts....I hate Wendy's food!
I HATE cancer!!
I started driving to my daughter's work to give her the news about dad in person. On the way, I had to pull off of the road because I was crying so hard I couldn't see to drive. I have never had feelings like this, ever! Anyone ever felt this much hatred for everything? Not people, just things....things I usual love or have a great fondness for.
After I left my daughter, I thought maybe I would go to one of my "happy places". JoAnns and Hobby Lobby. I always get so happy when I walk in one of these stores......I don't even have to spend money.

Well I didn't make it to happiness, another thought popped into my head I stopped by Barnes & Noble to buy some books on Juicing, Building your immunity and a cookbook, Living With cancer. I am going to research and learn everything I can about good nutrition to kick cancer! I felt so sick walking through that book store, my heart, stomach, mind still felt like someone had kicked me from head to toe....I feel so horribly bad for my husband. If I could change places with him, I would.

I was walking back across the parking lot to my car and a guy in a truck didn't seem to want to stop for a couple of us walking. Normally I get mad and say something inappropriate, but this time.....nothing. Guess I was sorta in a daze. Driving away I thought that if he had hit me with his truck, it wouldn't hurt as bad as I was hurting for my husband and family right then.
WOW......I seriously had to get out of that frame of mind!! And I would, it just took a day or two, which by the way were somewhat of a blur until we saw Dr. from MD Anderson.